Frieza's Math Test, and other random bits
by The Rev
Summary: Just a few bits of pointless drivel I write every once in a while.
1. Frieza's Math Test and Jerry Pt. 1

Disclaimer: DBZ is mine! All mine!! I now plan to sue all the other authors for using it!  
  
A/N: My computer just crashed from too many pop up windows, so I'm going to blow off some steam by writing. I don't know if I should post this, but if you're reading this, obviously I did. Damn it. Now my Mechanical Animals CD is skipping. Life just sucks. But, about the fic... the ages may be messed up, but who cares? And it may make no sense, but who cares?  
  
  
  
1. Frieza's Math Test  
  
Frieza looked at his paper and shifted uncomfortably in the desk. He didn't like math. All the numbers mad no sense.  
  
Suddenly he felt something wet hit the back of his head. He spun around and saw Vegeta and Radditz chuckling, Vegeta putting a straw back into his pocked. Frieza wiped off his head and pushed his glasses back up onto his nose. If only he could ignore his school work like he could ignore the saiyajin.  
  
"All right!" Mr. Son (yes, Goku!) slammed a yardstick on his desk, getting all the class to attention. "You have one minute! Begin!"  
  
All the class except for Frieza began to write furiously. But he just sat there, staring at the first problem. He didn't see the answer at all.  
  
10b  
  
x 17 .  
  
He had no idea. Suddenly he again felt a wet wad of paper hit the back of his head. He spun around and saw that Vegeta was ripping up his test and making spit balls with it.  
  
His tail twitched back and forth as he tried to find the answer. He stole a glance every once in a while at the pretty Bulma Briefs sitting next to him. She was already done with her paper, sitting quietly with her hands folded.  
  
"Time." Mr. Son said and stepped from behind his desk. "Pencils down!"  
  
Frieza realized he had never even picked his up, and he knew he would be in trouble. Mr. Son was on his way around the room, picking up the papers. He stopped at Vegeta's desk.  
  
"Well, Mr. Vegeta," Mr. Son looked at the young saiyajin over his wire rimmed glasses. "we decided not to participate today? I suppose you know you will be punished?" Before Vegeta even had a chance to reply, Mr. Son's hair turned shiny gold, and he blasted a huge ki ball at Vegeta. when the smoke cleared, Vegeta was gone, and Mr. Son was back to normal. The class was silent as death.  
  
Frieza was sweating bullets. Mr. Son was almost at his desk... in a second he would be dead.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!!!!" Frieza sat up off the floor, untangling himself from the bed covers. He had fallen out of bed.  
  
"What a strange dream." He yawned and climbed back into bed.  
  
  
  
1. Jerry Springer, Part 1  
  
"All right, if you just tuned in," Jerry's voice came smoothly as a cameras panned over the stage, "tonight's topic is 'my mother is a domineering bitch and she wants me to study all the time'. For our first guest, let's bring out Son Gohan!"  
  
The audience claps as 11 year old Gohan walks on to stage and sits down, looking over his shoulder and twitching.  
  
"Hi, Jerry." Gohan said.  
  
"Hello Gohan. Why are you so nervous?"  
  
Gohan looked over his shoulder and shook again. "I'm afraid my mom might find out I'm here."  
  
"Well, we'll talk about that later, Gohan. Right now would you please tell us why your mother is such a bitch?"  
  
Gohan's face momentarily spasmed with anger. "That bitch! She makes me study all the time! No TV, no training, no girls, just study study study. She never cares about what I want! Only about studying!"  
  
"My, my. I see you're a bit angry with your mother over her constant pushing you to study."  
  
Suddenly the anger left his face and he looked scared again. "Huh? Angry? Oh no! I just want to reach...umm.... an understanding!"  
  
"Well, it looks like you'll have your chance, Gohan. Because we have your mother backstage."  
  
The fright in Gohan's eyes suddenly jumped to terror. "WHAT!? She's here?!"  
  
Jerry smiled. "Yup! Now let's bring out Gohan's mom, Son ChiChi!"  
  
The audience gave a burst of boo's, but they went silent when they saw a strange red glow coming from back stage.....  
  
At the Son house....  
  
"Hey, Vegeta!" Goku called from the couch.  
  
"What is it, Kakarott?"  
  
"This lady that's killing people on Jerry Springer looks just like ChiChi!"  
  
  
  
............................................................................ ...........................  
  
That's it for now. If I get good reviews, I'll post more. If I don't, I'll probably post more anyway. It's just like the a/n says, it isn't supposed to make sense!  
  
Ja ne!  
  
-Arda the Vampyre 


	2. SaiyajinTales and Jerry Pt. 2

Disclaimer: I want to make it absolutely clear that I rule the world.  
  
A/N: More random bits of insanity. Arda has lost his mind.  
  
  
  
Saiyajin Tales: A Parody of vegetables.  
  
  
  
Scene: a blank white expanse. Off camera, voices are heard.  
  
Vegeta: No! I will not wear that, Kakarott!  
  
Goku: Oh, come on, Vegeta! it's for Bura!  
  
Vegeta: (sighs) Oh, all right. But you owe me, baka!  
  
Goku is seen hopping out into the white stage, wearing a cucumber costume, his legs, head, and arms sticking out. He is carrying a tuba.  
  
Goku: (Waves, then begins to play)  
  
Vegeta hops out onto stage, wearing a tomato costume, his hair sticking out the top, legs out the bottom, and face visible in front.  
  
Vegeta: (singing in a drab, tuneless voice) If you'd like to talk to a saiyajin, if a namek can make you smile, if you'd like to waltz with a changeling, up and...... (stops singing)  
  
All right, that's it! I refuse to be a part of this anymore!!  
  
Vegeta pulls the tomato costume off his head and stomps off stage. After a slight pause, Goku picks up the tomato costume.  
  
Goku: (mimicking Vegeta's voice) Have we got a show for you!  
  
The entire DBZ/GT cast, including villains, rushes out and forms a kick line, singing.  
  
All Cast: Saiyajin Taaaaaales, Saiyajin Taaaaales, Saiyajin Taaaaaales, SaiyajinTa....  
  
Vegeta: No STOP IT!!! FINAL FLASH!!!!  
  
BOOM!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Jerry Springer, part 2:  
  
  
  
Jerry: "Okay, if you just joined us, today's topic is 'My Little Brother's Best Friend's Mother's Ex-Boyfriend Is Trying To Have Sex With Me'. today, we have with us Son Gohan." Under his breath Jerry mutters "Let's hope the audience lives through this one."  
  
Gohan: Hi, Jerry.  
  
Jerry: Hi. Gohan. So, why don't you tell us why you're here today.  
  
Gohan: Well, it's like this. A guy I know named Yamucha has been following me. Everywhere I go, he's there, and he stares at me. and the worst part is, he's dressed in women's undergarments!  
  
Audience: BOOOO!!!!  
  
Gohan: And a few times, he's even sent me letters and notes, telling me to meet him for some 'private time'.  
  
Audience: BOOOOO!!!  
  
Jerry: Well, Gohan, have you told anyone about this?  
  
Gohan: No Jerry, and it's only because I don't want Yamucha to end up in jail. I mean, I'm eleven years old! But it's really starting to get to me.  
  
Jerry: Well, we have a surprise for you, Gohan. We just happen to have Yamucha backstage.  
  
Gohan look around at the door from the backstage area.  
  
Jerry: All right, so let's bring out Yamucha!  
  
Audience: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Yamucha: (wearing a tube top, black panties, a garter belt, pink stockings, and a feather boa) Yeah, boo me all you want. You don't know me! (He sits next to Gohan, crossing his legs and giving the young saiyajin THE EYE)  
  
Gohan: AHH!!! (gets up and moves to another chair.)  
  
Jerry: Hello, Yamucha. Why don't you tell us why you want Gohan to bed with you.  
  
Yamucha: Well, I've always wanted an innocent young boy to play with.  
  
Suddenly a red glow begins to come from back stage.  
  
Jerry: uhhh, Gohan, is that what I think it is?  
  
Gohan: Well, I did bring my mother with me....  
  
back at the Son house.....  
  
Goku: hey, Vegeta!  
  
Vegeta: (emerging from kitchen) What is it, Kakarott?  
  
Goku: That lady that looks like ChiChi is back on Jerry Springer, except this time she's beating on this guy that looks like Yamucha in drag!!  
  
================ ==================  
  
Well, that didn't make any sense at all. Review ppl!  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Arda the Vampyre 


	3. The Lab, Jerry Conclusion, and Vegeta's ...

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, you silly sod.  
  
  
  
The Lab:  
  
"Vegeta, I really don't think we should go in there." Goku said as he hesitated at the door to Bulma's lab. "Bulma told us not to. She was gonna test the new time thingy."  
  
Vegeta continued to sneak into the lab. "Oh, please, Kakarott. Do you really think I would listen to anything that woman tells me to do?" he looked back over his shoulder. "Besides, your not a chicken, are you?"  
  
Goku didn't want to be a chicken. He followed Vegeta into the lab.  
  
Suddenly Vegeta stopped short. "Do you hear something, Kakarott?"  
  
Goku held one hand to his ear. "Yeah, it sounds like moaning."  
  
Vegeta could only think of one reason that there would be moaning in Bulma's lab when she told him to stay out. And very quickly he went from being curious to being mad.  
  
"I am going to find out what that noise is!" Vegeta yelled, and stormed into the side room, where the noise had come from.  
  
Inside, he and Goku saw a shocking sight. On the table sat Bulma, completely naked. And on top of her sat....  
  
Master Roshi's turtle.  
  
To be continued.....  
  
  
  
Jerry Springer: Conclusion:  
  
  
  
Audience: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!....  
  
Jerry: Hi, everyone! Welcome to the Jerry Springer show. If you're just joining us, tonight's topic is, 'I Killed Cell, and My Girlfriend's Father Took All The Credit'. For our first guest tonight, let's bring out Son Gohan!  
  
Audience cheers the familiar guest as Gohan (Cell Games age) walks onstage.  
  
Gohan: Hi, Jerry.  
  
(A/N: I know Gohan and Videl did not even know each other after the cell games, but this is my fic, so I get to do what I want.)  
  
Jerry: So, Gohan, why don't you tell us why you're here?  
  
Gohan: Well, Jerry, I beat this evil guy named Cell. It took nearly everything I had. He even killed my dad!  
  
Jerry: Wow. Bummer.  
  
Gohan: Yeah. After that, I met this really cute girl that I liked a lot. But the problem was, her father took the credit for beating Cell. And she wouldn't believe a bad word about him!  
  
Jerry: Wow, pretty tough, Gohan. So, where are this girl and her father now?  
  
Gohan(shrugs): I dunno. Home, I guess.  
  
Jerry: Well, we have a surprise for you Gohan. Because right backstage, we have the man himself, Mister Satan! Let's bring him out!  
  
The crowd lets out a flooring burst of boos as Mr. Satan jumps onstage, does a series of poses, and sits down.  
  
Mr. Satan: Hiya, Jerry!  
  
Jerry: Hello, Mr. Satan. Do you know why we brought you here today?  
  
Mr. Satan(looking modest): Well, I expect you want to ask me about beating Cell...  
  
Jerry: Ironically, Mr. Satan, that's exactly right, but probably not in the way you think. Because we have here a young man who claims that HE defeated Cell.  
  
Mr. Satan(noticing Gohan for the first time, and becoming very afraid):Oh. kid. Well, I, uhh....  
  
Suddenly a red light is seen coming from backstage.  
  
Jerry(nervously): Gohan, you didn't bring your mom with you this time, did you?  
  
Gohan(smiling innocently): Oh, no. I brought Videl this time.  
  
At the Son house.....  
  
Vegeta: Kakarott, look at this!  
  
Goku: What is it, Vegeta?  
  
Vegeta(doing a hand stand): I can stand on my hands!  
  
Goku: Oh. Cool.  
  
  
  
Vegeta's New Attack:  
  
  
  
Goku sat in front of his house in a lawn chair, trying to get some sun. He was just getting ready to turn over and tan his back when Vegeta walked up.  
  
"Hey, Veggie!" Goku said. "Hey, how come you've got a fish?"  
  
Vegeta was indeed carrying a nearly six foot fish over one shoulder.  
  
"Today, I will defeat you!" Vegeta yelled. "You will fell the power of the new attack I have developed!"  
  
Goku sighed. "Not this again."  
  
Vegeta held the fish up like a club.  
  
"FINAL FISH!!" he screamed, and hit Goku with the fish.  
  
Then he walked away.  
  
============================= O =============================  
  
  
  
I won't be writing any more Jerry Springer, for the sole reason that I'm getting tired of writing them, and you guys must be tired of reading them. Stick around for more of though!  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Arda the Vampyre 


End file.
